What is an AP Lesbian family?
A couple of days ago, I referred to a playdate with two other “AP lesbian families.”
AP is Attachment Parenting. Which has nothing to do with being lesbians, but those happen to be two big things that we have in common with these two families.
Last summer, within a span of about two weeks, we met two other lesbian couples with sons about Peeper’s age (one a month older, one a month younger). As we got to know them, we learned that they have similar “parenting styles” as we do, which would be best described as “attachment parenting.”
We very much enjoy spending time with them, not only because they are just nice people and the kids play well together, but because it’s nice to be with other people with whom we’re on the same wavelength, in terms of such things as breastfeeding, cosleeping, babywearing, and the like, who, at the same time, understand some of the unique challenges and bonuses of being a two-mom family.
How many languages do you speak?
I speak English, Peeper Sign Language and, increasingly, Peeplish.
I also have a bit of high school German and some very, very basic Spanish.
In other words: one.
I loved the “I’m 10000% out in my ‘real life’ and screw you if you don’t like it.” My best friend is still not “out.” What advice can i give her to help her accept herself. I think she feels ashamed, she has told me that she doesn’t want to be gay and if she could change it she would. Like i said it breaks my heart for her.
Oy, that’s a tough one. I’m just winging it here.
I think the best thing that you can do is what you’re obviously already doing. Be there for her, listen to her, and make sure she knows that her coming out doesn’t change how you feel about her.
It can be a very tough process, and the more positive, supportive people around her, the easier it will be.
Of course, if she’s getting negative reactions from her friends or family, that will make it all the harder.
I was very lucky when I came out, in that all my friends and family were completely supportive. That made it infinitely easier.
Also helpful, at least in the sense of motivation, was the fact that I was in love with Shrike and wanted to be with her, and pretty much had to get okay with being gay if that was going to happen.
If your friend is open to the idea of counseling, I would strongly encourage her to talk to a gay-friendly therapist about her feelings.
Meeting other gay people with whom she might have (other) things in common, and making “couple friends” would probably help her to feel less isolated, and less “different.”
If those people are out and comfortable with their orientation, they can be positive role models for her, as well.
Best of luck to her!
Im sorry but I can’t remember why Peeper had open heart surgery. I know I must have read it at some point but I can’t remember.
Peeper was born with two holes in the wall down the middle of her heart, one between the upper chambers and one between the lower chambers, called an atrial septal defect and a ventricular septal defect.
Congenital heart defects are the most common birth defect, and ASD/VSD are the most common congenital heart defects.
The problem is that these holes between the right and left sides of the heart allow blood to backflow to the right side, causing more blood than normal to go to the lungs.
This makes breathing difficult and can impact a baby’s growth, because they spend so many calories just breathing.
Most of the time, the holes will close on their own by the time the child is three, but if they don’t, they must be repaired surgically, before the pressure causes permanent damage to the lungs.
To decrease the pressure in her lungs while waiting to see if the holes would close, she was on Captopril, which is a blood pressure medication and Lasix, which is a diuretic, from about three weeks old until after her surgery.
By the time she was about three months old, it was obvious that the holes were not getting significantly smaller, so she had surgery to close them, when she was four and a half months old.
The atrial defect was sewn closed and the ventricular defect, which was larger, was patched with Dacron, a silk-like material.
That stopped the backflow immediately, and as soon as she was off the ventilator, she was breathing at a normal rate.
Her recovery went beautifully, and as of a couple of weeks ago, her cardiologist said that if he didn’t know better, looking at and listening to her heart, he wouldn’t know she’d ever had a problem.
“In a nutshell,” what’s your philosophy?
Don’t hurt people.
Mind your own business.
Edited to Add: Also, help people when you can, because what goes around, comes around. I hope.
Why did you decide to be anonymous on your blog?
I’m 10000% out in my “real life” and screw you if you don’t like it, and I also figure if someone knows my name and wants to find me, they don’t need the Internet to do that.
That said, I am going the anonymous route here for a few different reasons:
- Shrike is much less comfortable than I am about sharing our personal stuff with all the internets and she asked me to. That’s reason enough.
- I liked the idea of being free to rant about specific people or situations that piss me off, without worrying that the subject will read what I said – although it turns out that I’ve not actually done that much.
- But, the primary reason, is that I really didn’t want someone to be able to google my name or that of any organizations or businesses that I might be involved with (when I started blogging I held a leadership position in my local Democratic Party and was looking or work) and stumble upon the blog – angst, four-letter words and (for a while there) way too much menstrual specificity, and all.
When I first started blogging, no one in “real life” knew about it, but over time, I’ve become more and more comfortable sharing the blog with my real life friends and acquaintances, to the point that I sometimes find myself thinking, “Why do I have to tell you this. Didn’t you read the blog?!” as though they’ve not done their homework assignment!
We’re thinking about using cloth diapers and I was wondering how you ended up using the ones you do. Did you try any other brands?
The first cloth diapers we used were prefolds and covers that we bought from a friend before Peeper was born. I don’t remember the brand, but they were very basic – plain white, sized (we had small and medium), velcro.
We weren’t real thrilled with them, mostly because they were a pain to put on, and also they were very bulky, especially on tiny little Peeper.
(We started using them when she was around 3 – 4 months old – about 8 lbs.)
That’s when DoulaK (our doula, LLL leader and, now, cloth diaper and baby carrier dealer)suggested bumGenius 3.0 one-size pocket diapers, and gave us a few to test drive.
We liked them right away, and bought a total of two dozen.
As time went on, the one thing we’ve not liked about the bumGenius, though, is that the velcro just didn’t hold up.
Even when we closed the “laundry tabs” the hook side would get full of fuzz, which had to be picked out, and the loop side got all fuzzed up.
Velcro after about a year of use:
They eventually got to the point that they weren’t staying closed reliably at all, so we sent them off to “The Diaper Doc” and had them converted to snaps.
If I had it to do all over, I might start with a diaper with snaps instead of velcro.
I might also consider and all-in-one, instead of a pocket, just to save the time and effort of stuffing them, but then we wouldn’t have the flexibility to adjust the absorbency, so maybe that’s not such a good idea.
We’ve actually done the snap conversion in two batches (the additional shipping was cheaper than buying disposables for a few weeks) and the second batch should be back soon.
Because of that, we’ve been running on half our normal “stash” for a couple of months, so I can say that you can manage with a dozen – but two dozen is much more comfortable. Right now we’re washing a tiny load every night, and a couple of times we’ve had her wearing the very last one, with our fingers crossed, waiting for the dryer to stop!
1)How do all 3 of you sleep in the same bed? It must be a very big bed.
2) How long will you let little Peeper sleep with you?
We have a queen-sized bed, and it’s really not crowded at all. Peeper spends a good part of the night snuggled up to one or the other of us, but she’s got room to sprawl between us when she wants, arms out, with a hand on each of us.
We don’t have a specific time-table for how long we’ll continue to have a “family bed,” we’re just going to play it by ear.
As long as we’re all (or at least 2/3 of us) happy with the arrangement, that’s where we’ll be.
(Unless, of course, that 2/3 is me and Shrike. We’ll obviously let Peeper move out to her own room when she wants to!)
I assume that when the time comes, there will be a transitional period when she goes to bed in her own room and comes to our bed in the middle of the night, which will probably happen less and less often over time.
I really can’t imagine a time, though, that she won’t be welcome to join us when she needs some extra cuddles and closeness.